Long time no post.

Things have been moving so quickly!

I am afraid if I don't write it all down, I will never remember my first year of teaching.

I feel like things are getting easier. To some extent. I always feel behind on SOMETHING, but I don't feel as behind as I used to. I think lesson planning and grading and all that is becoming a little easier.

I feel like my kids have settled a little bit and the trouble makers, the real problems, have sifted to the top. While everyone else keeps moving along- they just stay stuck in the same old pattern. I think what's really frustrating with these students is I know they can do the work- but something is blocking them from doing it. And at the rate they are going high school and college are just becoming less and less of a reality. Well, not exactly. But in some way they are setting themselves up for failure. And nothing will help them see that. It almost seems they will have to learn their lesson by failing. It's unclear if they will even learn their lesson after that. But I do what I can. Which a lot of time is just ignoring them and once they don't get that attention they come around. A little bit.

It's interesting seeing all types of behavior in kids all day long. How well I know them after spending less than an hour with them everyday for three months. (THREE MONTHS! really? where did the time go?) Seeing all this behavior and talking about it with other teachers almost makes me feel like I can sense personalities and character traits in a new way now.

I'm more observant to when I am needing attention and acting on that. All because I see it in so many students everyday.

Or when I am avoiding something or acting differently because I don't know how to do something. Because I see it in so many students, everyday.

I also have a few boys in my class who clearly have some mom/women issues. That's always interesting to watch them in my class and with other people. And then think about why that is?

I have a few students that I wonder, How did you get this way? What happened in school or at home or in your life that made you act this way? That made you hate school? Hate reading or writing? Hate talking in public? Not care about the fact that you are failing?

It's almost sad to start to wonder when these students became so affected by the school systems. Or their home lives or lack of.

I feel like I am getting a tiny bit better at the job/real life/ living alone/ paying bills thing. But it still gets hard sometime.

In all honesty, I'm tired. I am counting down the days till Thanksgiving. And then after that until Christmas. It feels exhausting keeping up with all the papers to grade, to turn in, to hand back. Gradespeed is INSANE. I can't handle seeing all those assignments- with labels like Missing or Incomplete. And then keeping track of where those assignments are and why those assignments didn't get turned in.

For some reason, I also feel like my Gradespeed hates me and changes grades on me after I update them.

I'm tired of meetings. I'm tired of waking up early (even on the weekends.. who have I become?)

But really I think I'm just tired of all the paper..

Well, I'm off to bed. I'll post again soon.