A few of my favorite things.

My kids had to a writing prompt on their benchmark a few weeks ago. I spent last weekend grading them. Some of them were amazing and some of them I wasn't even sure they knew what a memory was. So when January comes around and we are back at school, and not finishing The Outsiders, we'll go over their writing and try to improve. I'm a big believer in leading by example though, so when I went to a writing workshop and we worked on OUR (the teachers) writing, I wrote my own personal narrative. So that when we work on improving their papers, I will be working on improving my paper as well. Here is my first draft of my favorite memory:

My feet, and my mom's, were sticking up, our toes in the air. We were floating on our backs in the clear, ocean water of Hawaii. My mom had her Chaco shoes on because she wanted to have tan lines from her shoes. It was most likely the only place someone would see evidence of her trip to Hawaii since she always made sure to have her sunscreen on. It seemed like there were people all over the beach and in the water. But we ignored them. Instead we just floated, spending our time and telling stories. I had to stop her though to focus on my dad, who was not that far away from us standing in the water. As we watch him, it seems like he is searching the clear water for something. I pause, " He can't be looking for..." I trail off and we both instantly know what he is searching for.

Three days earlier, my family and I were at the same beach in Hawaii. Same bright water, hot sand and just as many people around. My dad and I had been tossed around in a particularly scary momen in the waves. When we both returned to the surface, tired and confused, my dad realized he had lost his sunglasses. He looked around but there was nothing in the water. We left the beach shaken and my dad was feeling bummed about his sunglasses. On our way back to our condo, in a foreign beach town, my dad spotted a Sunglass Hut. To him it was like the shining beacon of hope. He stopped the car and seconds later returned with an exact replica of his old sunglasses. Finally, all seemed right with the world.

Now, three days later, my mom and I could not stop laughing. Amused by the idea of what he was searching for, and we were still hoping we were wrong. That instead he was looking at the bright colored fish or something odd in the sand. When my dad made his way towards us he only confirmed that he had in face been looking for his sunglasses. Because as he said it, in his own words, "Dead bodies wash up on shore. i though maybe sunglasses would too."

What really stands out to me about this short, ordinary moment is how happy I was. I was at the point in my life when everything was about to change. family vacations were ending, I would be spending more time on own, soon the three of us would be separated. And most importantly I would be changing. I was going off to college ready to see and learn new things, meet new people and begin a brand new part of my life. But no matter who I became or what happened to all of us, I would always have this moment to hold onto. A time where my family was all together and so happy to laugh over the smallest things.

No matter where I am, who I am with or what season I'm in, I will always be able to picture my mom and my feet sticking up through the clear, bright water, laughing at my dad searching for those lost sunglasses.

so this is the new year.

A few things that have changed in my life with this “new year”:

I have my own classroom, to organize any way I want, with 30 desks and chairs to arrange. I am in charge of plans for 110 students, for 50 minutes, 5 days a week. I control what they are doing and in some ways am forced to entertain them for a class period. I go to endless meetings and seminars. I hear my last name more often than I hear my first name. I am excepted to act normal when my boss, the principal or vice principal come in and sit in the back of my classroom. I have attention getting “strategies” that I use all the time. My alarm goes off at 5:50 every morning and the only day it really bugs me is on Fridays. I call other adults by their last name. I have to answer questions like, “Why do I call you by your last name?” Most of the time I’m not sure of the answer, either. Sometimes I feel like my boss is really a students parent. I say the Pledge of Allegiance and the Texas pledge 5 times a week. I assign homework, give lunch detentions, let students know how disappointed I am in them, and try to figure out what is going is going on in students home life. I see students more than some of their parents do. I have students who are dying for my attention and approval. I have students that feel like I don’t spend enough time on them. I feel like I don’t spend enough time on any of my students. I have to be prepared to lead at least 25 kids out of a building during any kind of drill. I boss people around all day. I spend time reading 12 year olds favorite moments, or childhood memories. I go to meetings where I am never sure what’s being said. I spend almost all my time with 12/13 year old kids, laughing at their jokes, trying to get them to like reading, trying to have them understand directions, trying to improve their writing and trying to get them to be better people. And I’m enjoying almost every single moment of it. Even through the office referrals, the disrespect, the funny moments, the days when I’m unprepared. All those moments and days, I still get to care about 110 kids and their lives.

New Year's Resolutions on Thanksgiving Day? Ok.

Found a website full of these. And these are the ones I loved. And will consider for my own New Years Resolutions. Which I will make the day after I turn 23. (yay?...!)

Something I LOVE

How do other first year teachers do it without a full time mentor? I can't deny my mentor and I hit a rough patch but things are so, so, so much better now.
She meets with me whenever I need it- I had a parent freak out about report cards- and she was so understanding. She has met with me on the weekends to help me plan out units (because that's what I need!) and just knowing she's around helps me to know that if I'm ever in a bad situation where I don't know what I'm doing she'll be there to help.
Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in a few directions between her, admin and the other teachers- but I usually take her advice because it has worked so well for me.
(And she even found a pumpkin cookie recipe for me after I told her I wanted one!)
I'm so glad she's there for my first year to help me survive it all!

I want you so badly, it's my only wish.

In the words of the Black Eyed Peas...

I spend my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day

I want you so bad, it's my only wish.

Long time no post.

Things have been moving so quickly!

I am afraid if I don't write it all down, I will never remember my first year of teaching.

I feel like things are getting easier. To some extent. I always feel behind on SOMETHING, but I don't feel as behind as I used to. I think lesson planning and grading and all that is becoming a little easier.

I feel like my kids have settled a little bit and the trouble makers, the real problems, have sifted to the top. While everyone else keeps moving along- they just stay stuck in the same old pattern. I think what's really frustrating with these students is I know they can do the work- but something is blocking them from doing it. And at the rate they are going high school and college are just becoming less and less of a reality. Well, not exactly. But in some way they are setting themselves up for failure. And nothing will help them see that. It almost seems they will have to learn their lesson by failing. It's unclear if they will even learn their lesson after that. But I do what I can. Which a lot of time is just ignoring them and once they don't get that attention they come around. A little bit.

It's interesting seeing all types of behavior in kids all day long. How well I know them after spending less than an hour with them everyday for three months. (THREE MONTHS! really? where did the time go?) Seeing all this behavior and talking about it with other teachers almost makes me feel like I can sense personalities and character traits in a new way now.

I'm more observant to when I am needing attention and acting on that. All because I see it in so many students everyday.

Or when I am avoiding something or acting differently because I don't know how to do something. Because I see it in so many students, everyday.

I also have a few boys in my class who clearly have some mom/women issues. That's always interesting to watch them in my class and with other people. And then think about why that is?

I have a few students that I wonder, How did you get this way? What happened in school or at home or in your life that made you act this way? That made you hate school? Hate reading or writing? Hate talking in public? Not care about the fact that you are failing?

It's almost sad to start to wonder when these students became so affected by the school systems. Or their home lives or lack of.

I feel like I am getting a tiny bit better at the job/real life/ living alone/ paying bills thing. But it still gets hard sometime.

In all honesty, I'm tired. I am counting down the days till Thanksgiving. And then after that until Christmas. It feels exhausting keeping up with all the papers to grade, to turn in, to hand back. Gradespeed is INSANE. I can't handle seeing all those assignments- with labels like Missing or Incomplete. And then keeping track of where those assignments are and why those assignments didn't get turned in.

For some reason, I also feel like my Gradespeed hates me and changes grades on me after I update them.

I'm tired of meetings. I'm tired of waking up early (even on the weekends.. who have I become?)

But really I think I'm just tired of all the paper..

Well, I'm off to bed. I'll post again soon.

Where the Wild Things Are

Swine flu took all of my kids for the last two weeks. Not all of them. But a big chunk of them. And seeing as I already had swine flu (or at least I think I did... thank you Camp Champions), I have remained untouched by the disease.

However, ALL of the children that got the flu have now returned and are having a tiny bit of an issue turning in any of their work that they missed. Why do 12 year olds believe that when they were sick nothing happened at school??? So I posted on their names on the board and right next to it --- IF YOU DON"T TALK TO ME TODAY ABOUT MISSING WORK IT IS A ZERO---

every child is suddenly running from all directions of the school to turn in missing work. Which I really do apperciate. However, it cut into my planning time this week. My eating time at lunch and more of my planning time after school.

I can get nothing done in the time I came early or the time I stay late because those kids are sucking up all my attention. My lessons hit some rough points but it was because I didn't have enough time to plan. I blame those pigs.

Other wise my life is boring.

I went to College Station last weekend and my best friend Yvette flew in from NYC. It was so great to see her.

But my trip to college station has made me feel even more isolated and alone than normal. A lot of people are going to Dallas this weekend for the UT game and I will be mostly alone. On one hand I am SO excited to get so much work done. Because it seems like the papers on my desk and the amount of crap in my apartment never get attended to and this weekend I can do all the things I want to. ( Like get a desk! Grade some papers! fold my laundry! the list goes on forever...)

But on the other hand, I really want to go see Where the Wild Things are and I have no one to see it with. Or can I really go the entire weekend without speaking to anyone? And then go through another week where I hardly have a conversation with someone that isn't work related.

I'm ready for this to get easier. Not Harder.

The way I look at it- I'll really start to worry about my social life and having fun after this year. Once I get the teaching thing to an easier pace than I'll worry about the rest. So that may be awhile before I worry about the rest.